This article is part of the article series "Musical Geek Friday."
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every operating system sucks

It's the Musical Geek Friday again! This week a song about how Every OS Sucks!

The song is written and performed a Canadian comedy group called Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. The Trolls currently consist of comedians Wes Borg, Joe Bird and Paul Mather.

The cast of the Trolls has changed over the years. At one point, a woman named Kathleen was in the group. The members of the group are in their forties about now.

I could not find more information about this band, so I ask you, my readers, to share anything you know about them in the comments of this post!

The song is about the history of computers. It says that before the days there were operating systems, the computers worked nicely and did not suck, but now, thanks to all the various operating systems, they all suck!

Here it is! The Every OS Sucks song:

[audio:http://www.catonmat.net/download/three_dead_trolls_in_a_baggie-every_os_sucks.mp3]

Download this song: every os sucks.mp3 (musical geek friday #12)
Downloaded: 20396 times

Download lyrics: every os sucks lyrics (musical geek friday #12)
Downloaded: 2332 times

They also made a music video for this song, scroll to the bottom of this post for the video!

The lyrics of the song is quite lengthy:

You see, I come from a time in the nineteen-hundred-and-seventies when
computers were used for two things - to either go to the moon, or play
Pong... nothing in between. Y'see, you didn't need a fancy operating
system to play Pong, and the men who went to the moon -- God Bless 'em --
did it with no mouse, and a plain text-only black-and-white screen,
and 32 kilobytes of RAM.

But then 'round 'bout the late 70's, home computers started to do a
little more than play Pong... very little more. Like computers started
to play non-Pong-like games, and balance checkbooks, and why... you
could play Zaxxon on your Apple II, or... write a book! All with a
computer that had 32 kilobytes of RAM! It was good enough to go to
the moon, it was good enough for you.

It was a golden time. A time before Windows, a time before mouses, a
time before the internet and bloatware, and a time...
before every OS sucked.

*sigh*

[singing]

Well, way back in the olden times,
my computer worked for me.
I'd laugh and play, all night and day,
on Zork I, II and III.

The Amiga, VIC-20 and the Sinclair II,
The TRS 80 and the Apple II,
they did what they were supposed to do,
wasn't much... but it was enough.

But then Xerox made a prototype,
Steve Jobs came on the scene,
read "Of Mice and Menus," Windows, Icons
a trash, and a bitmap screen.

Well Stevie said to Xerox,
"Boys, turn your heads and cough."
And when no-one was looking,
he ripped their interfaces off.

Stole every feature that he had seen,
put it in a cute box with a tiny little screen,
Mac OS 1 ran that machine,
only cost five thousand bucks.

But it was slow, it was buggy,
so they wrote it again,
And now they're up to OS 10,
they'll charge you for the Beta, then charge you again,
but the Mac OS still sucks.

Every OS wastes your time,
from the desktop to the lap,
Everything since Apple Dos,
Just a bunch of crap.

From Microsoft, to Macintosh,
to Lin-- line-- lin-- lie... nux,
Every computer crashes,
'cause every OS sucks.

Well then Microsoft jumped in the game,
copied Apple's interface, with an OS named,
"Windows 3.1" - it was twice as lame,
but the stock price rose and rose.

Then Windows 95, then 98,
man solitaire never ran so great,
and every single version came out late,
but I guess that's the way it goes.

But that bloatware'll crash and delete your work,
NT, ME, man, none of 'em work.
Bill Gates may be richer than Captain Kirk,
but the Windows OS blows!
And sucks!
At the same time!

I'd trade it in, yeah right... for what?
It's top of the line from the Compuhut.
The fridge, stove and toaster, never crash on me,
I should be able to get online, without a PHD.

My phone doesn't take a week to boot it,
my TV doesn't crash when I mute it,
I miss ASCII text, and my floppy drive,
I wish VIC-20 was still alive...

But it ain't the hardware, man.

It's just that every OS sucks... and blows.

Now there's lih-nux or lie-nux,
I don't know how you say it,
or how you install it, or use it, or play it,
or where you download it, or what programs run,
but lih-nux, or lie-nux, don't look like much fun.

However you say it, it's getting great press,
though how it survives is anyone's guess,
If you ask me, it's a great big mess,
for elitist, nerdy shmucks.

"It's free!" they say, if you can get it to run,
the Geeks say, "Hey, that's half the fun!"
Yeah, but I got a girlfriend, and things to get done,
the Linux OS SUCKS.
(I'm sorry to say it, but it does.)

Every OS wastes your time,
from the desktop to the lap,
Everything since the abacus,
Just a bunch of crap.

From Microsoft, to Macintosh,
to lin-- line-- lin-- lie... nux.
Every computer crashes,
'cause every OS sucks.

Every computer crashes... 'cause every OS sucks!

Here is Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie performing the song:

Download "Every OS Sucks" Song

Download this song: every os sucks.mp3 (musical geek friday #12)
Downloaded: 20396 times

Download lyrics: every os sucks lyrics (musical geek friday #12)
Downloaded: 2332 times

Click to listen:
[audio:http://www.catonmat.net/download/three_dead_trolls_in_a_baggie-every_os_sucks.mp3]

Have fun and until next geeky Friday! :)

This article is part of the article series "Musical Geek Friday."
<- previous article next article ->

Comments

Craig Schock Permalink
July 26, 2008, 02:00

"The Trolls" are from Edmonton, Canada. I don't know them directly but I do know people who know them directly. The guy who sings the song has worked on a tech help desk. You should also check out "Keep your parents off the internet" and "What's new at Microsoft"... classic.

July 26, 2008, 02:16

Craig,

Thanks for the info! Do you know who is the guy singing? I do not know his name.

wtf Permalink
July 26, 2008, 03:01

yeah you tried to be funny. dude that wasn't funny. lol noob

July 26, 2008, 03:17

wtf, that's not my song, dude!

Patrick Permalink
July 26, 2008, 04:01

That was stupid. How do you say that an OS that can have possible uptimes of over a year long, sucks? Or that it crashes? If it crashed, it wouldn't have records of such great uptimes. The proper title of this should be: Windows OS's Suck. Now that would make sense. Do you have bloatware? spyware even? That's a shame, cuz on my non-Windows OS I have neither.

Wise up fools

Fede Permalink
July 26, 2008, 05:01

@Patrick It isn't stupid. It's called humor.

Patrick Permalink
July 26, 2008, 06:18

@Fede

Really Sherlock? Wow, you're bright. Of course it's humor. And some folks have different tastes regarding humor, but I suspect maybe you didn't know that. Humor or not, it's still stupid. It's stupid because it contradicts the elements of the non-Windows systems which make them such valued OS's.

One part that I can be honest about is that I did chuckle a little when I read the lyrics of Linux taking someone a while to maintain. But it crashing? No way, sorry - unless of course, you don't know what you're doing, in which case please go back to Windows. This was my point - the lyrics of crashing don't fit and are simply not funny because they simply don't make sense. And what about Linux not being fun? That's one of the greatest parts of Linux is that it is fun, once again - *when you know what you're doing*.

That's just Linux; there's many nice features of Mac's too that are stupid and contradicted here. The only content that is correct and makes sense to sing about is content about Windows. I can pick these lyrics apart because they're idiotic. Maybe you're the type that likes 'professional' wrestling?

Maybe I should have made it clear for those like you that don't understand common English and say that I simply prefer *smart* humor.

me Patrick obviously can't read because I didn't catch the part where it says linux crashes... he obviously fit's the bill "for elitist, nerdy shmucks." and just so you know patrick every operating system can crash even if you do know what you're doing.

this is pretty on cue for everything, too bad they didn't mention proprietary unix and bsd.

July 26, 2008, 08:46

Now that's a good trolling, don't pick on one OS, just flame them all!

\o/ horray!

Patrick Permalink
July 26, 2008, 09:36

Caleb, you're an obvious idiot:

"From Microsoft, to Macintosh,
to Lin– line– lin– lie… nux,
Every computer crashes,"

With this quote, you're not even worth the typing effort. Simply shut up.

Raja Permalink
July 28, 2008, 22:34

I am on your side, Patrick. It isn't humour when the writer is so uninformed. If the main complaint with the Windows and Mac is the overemphasis on the GUI and the need for so much resources, Linux seems the right answer because you can run it as lean as it want to. And yet the writer has to rant against it - only because he doesnt know much about it and therefore thinks that those who know about it are 'elitist and nerdy'.

August 01, 2008, 09:12

Why are you people so captious?
It's just a funny video. You'd be better singing yourselves rather than posting these comments.

March 30, 2009, 09:29

The best computer ever, namely the Amiga came out after Apple I, but that's an fact that goes beyond this amazing song. :)

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